Six Year Blogiversary

Six years. It feels like a lifetime ago that I finally hit publish on that first blog post. I mean, it basically was a lifetime ago…

I was a child, masquerading as an adult. Working at my first job out of college. Living with my boyfriend (now husband, woop woop!). Spending free time with friends, and doing all the normal things a twenty-seven year old does. Weddings and girls nights and after-work drinks and new restaurants. Pretending to know at least a little bit about something, and contribute to society in a semi-meaningful way. My bones didn’t crack & pop nearly as much, and thirty seemed like a distant milestone.

Think about it. Who were YOU six years ago?

A lot has happened since that first little blog post. I’ve grown — though mostly in a one step forward, two steps back kind of way. I’ve learned — some actual life lessons, but also things like “how to remove sticky residue from glass” (hot water + vinegar usually does the trick!). I’ve turned inward — done a lot of soul searching and thinking and writing (but gosh, this process never ends).

I quit a job that I had grown out of. I started a new job that would take years to grow into. I found some really incredible friends; I also let go of friendships that were no longer filling me up. I moved back home to save money. I traveled to a handful of beautiful places. I got engaged, then married the love of my life. I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety (no surprise there). I moved out (again). I celebrated so much love it nearly made my heart burst. I also experienced more loss than I thought I was capable of handling.

I lost my mom. an uncle. a dog. a cousin. a handful of close friends. some well-known people whose life somehow made an impact on my own. I cried — a lot. I grieved… I still grieve. I leaned on those who have (continuously!) supported me, and learned that a lot of people are too uncomfortable with death to remain present. and that is perfectly okay.

Six years is an incredibly long time, but also flashes by in the blink of an eye. What will the next six years bring?

    –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –     –

Six isn’t really a milestone of any sort, but it was my mom’s lucky number. I started this blog as a way to share with her the recipes I found, made and loved — to create an online library, more or less, comprised of our favorite food & drink, something we could both reference at any given time. Along with the loss of my biggest supporter, I’ve felt a similar loss when it comes to my creativity in this space. My mom is still the first person I want to call when I discover a new recipe to try. The reality that she’s no longer available on the other end of the line always hits me directly in the gut, nearly knocking the wind out of me.

I’ve been a slump this month, to say the least. The beginning of August was busy — our annual trip to York Beach (though much different than before), weddings and lots of family time. Now that my brain is no longer occupied with the tasks I need to cross of my to do list and the coordination involved with a family vacation, all the emotions that had previously taken a back seat are flooding in and settling down for the foreseeable future. Sadness, anger, shock, guilt, loneliness — gang’s all here! My anxiety has taken full control of the wheel, and all I can do is get up every morning, go to work and attempt to make it through the day without losing my shit.

(never fear! I’ve been taking my own advice here, and following these handy tips & tricks to manage the stress & minimize my anxiety)

At the very least, I’m finally back in the kitchen on an almost daily basis (the standard ‘end-of-summer cooking slump’ notwithstanding). However, I just don’t have the same drive right now to write about or photograph the food I make. I know it’s all part of the healing process, but I can’t help but feel like this year’s “blogiversary” milestone is a little less… significant than prior years. Kinda gloomy, tbh.

The silver lining here is that I have a VERY long list of recipes I’ve been wanting to share with you guys. Gotta start somewhere, right? I’ve been compiling ideas for the last few months, and hoping that my motivation shows its pretty little face again sometime soon. So even though this six year blogiversary is a little anti-climactic (and I don’t even have anything delicious to share with you!), I’m here to tell you that I’m not going anywhere! Recipes, Thrive Market favorites, Trader Joe’s hauls, #wellnesswednesday tips — I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve, so stay tuned :)

Sending so much love to those who have stuck around for this long! You’re all crazy, but I love you mucho xo